I didn’t read much this year but I tried to read atleast one scene per day.
1. Candide
I got this book from a book fair. Its fun to read. Reminds me of Jojo’s bizzare adventures world. But the ending…
2. A culture Of Happiness
If someone asks me for a self-help/ leadership/ business/ relationships/ wellness book I’ll definitely recommend this to them!
3. Zadig
Another good person encountering misfortunes and unfair situations like in Candide. I think what this book wanted to show is that all the suffering you experienced will make sense in the end while Candide shows that life doesn’t have to make sense, you just have to live it.
4. Nanine
This one I read was in a dialogue style format. This one’s about how love conquers all if I remember it correctly. I think it shows that the society is unfair and people can change that.
5. Milk and Honey
I read this in just one sitting and I love reading it. I can relate to some poems. The poems are intimate and emotional and beautiful and fragile. Its about toxic relationship, heartbreak and healing.
6. Lights of Prague
It has a vampire like elements but is not like the traditional vampire romance books. Reading this made me want to visit Prague and see the Charles Bridge and Old Town Hall.
7. Babel (Spoiler!!)
I read this from April until the end of the year. It starts slow. I honestly wasn’t sure which side to pick at first. I was thinking maybe there will be a twist or something. On Robin’s first encounter with the Hermes society I was screaming because he helped them blindly. As I continued reading I started to like Griffin and then he died 😭. In the end I fully understood why sometimes the only language that those in power will understand is violence.
I feel like I watched alot this year. Here’s the list of the ones I liked. I hope I didn’t miss anything. (List not in order)
Snow white
The part where she’s singing on the well made me feel nostalgia. The part where she sings “wondering will he appear or will I be forever here waiting on a wish”. I like Rachel ever since I watched her in Ballad Of The Song Bird. Watching this made me think- wouldnt it be convenient if I just sleep and wait for true love to come and wake me from my sleep? hahaha
Swing girls
Very inspiring and funny. It made me want to play an instrument too. I love it when you can feel passion in a movie, its infecting. It made me like jazz too or want learn to play a trumpet.
Green bones
Watched this on New Year lol. Goosebumps on the last part.
28 days after
I like how it made killing zombies look cool instead of scary. I kinda feel uncomfortable with the memento mori part. Euthanasia doesn’t really sit well with me but I guess that’s just a part you have to accept during a zombie apocalypse. Sometimes there’s no choice but to kill people to end their suffering or to prevent them from infecting more people.
Men
The movie left me confused and scared for the main character. The ending made me so confused. I’ve searched and the movie was like a metaphor of the truth about toxic masculinity. I thought the birth part was just a punishment for the men or to show that men can also give birth but it is actually more than that. It shows the evolving of toxic masculinity and how it is passed from generation to generation.
Another main thing at the end that I didn’t understand was when her husband says that he just wanted her love. I thought “aww” at that moment but when I read the interpretation it means that its just his way of manipulating her or wanting to control her and make her feel like she owes him love which isn’t really supposed to be what love is. She says she wanted peace and that changed things. She stopped fighting.
A dark song
While watching this I was skeptical with the guy and if both of them know what they’re doing and if it’s really going to work. I also don’t like that the woman lied when she was asked to be honest. In the end I like that she realized that what she really wanted was peace and not revenge. I also love the effect of the barking dog it’s scary and really adds to the eerie vibe. When She left the house I’m like shit. Its like she broke every rule.
The wild robot
I wasn’t expecting that this will make me cry but I did.
In secret
It made me think about the machiavellian idea that the end justify the means. Does it really?
submarine
I like the cinematography but the story is very wattpad hahah.
The gorge
It kept me hanging on because of the mystery though its easy to predict as well.
Woman in black
I dont get scared easily but this is scary. Reminded me of that studio ghibli movie because of the marsh.
Its a wonderful life
I cried at the end. It has that Christmas nostalgia that I wanted to feel again. It kinda doesn’t connect with me at first because I really wanted what george wanted as well like studying and being able to travel or leave town etc. But I get that he doesn’t have a choice.
A Complete Unkonwn
Got lss with the song – It Aint Me Babe
Rosaline
Funny and shows how unrealistic romeo and juliet story really is.
The summer I turned pretty
Adding this not because I like the story but because I like how it made me feel. At first I like jeremiah but on the last part of season 2 I started to love Connie. I like his jerk side hahaha and I’m still watching season 3 well see how it goes…
I wasnt going to put it here but Connie is just 👌 aaaahh Conraddd! His yearning and the stares. Aaahaa I can’t get over it.
I think the Cabo part had some subconcious impact on me that I ended up dreaming about it and waking up with an external pain on the right side of my head.
Map of tiny perfect things
Its okay I stayed because I’m so intriqued.
The dreamers
Is a very interesting movie and very deep. It leaves you with more question. I watched it thinking it was dark academia. It made me love the characters as they copy films and at the same time also made me mad for the same reason.
Electrical life of luis wain
Ok. I like the cat part and Dr. Strange hahah
Blink twice
!!!!! —– WTF?—– “I’m Sorry” —— ????? —– YASSS!
The social dilemma
Discouraged me from using technology. It showed the real life impact of social media now. They showed how it affects people when it comes to addiction. How it manipulates people to click and be active. How technology starts becoming an existential threat. It changes people’s mind or persuade it. It brings out the worst in people. Its may not be obvious but the effect is large scale. They are getting better at keeping people on the screen.
The Life list
I like it. It makes me feel fuzzy inside.
The room
I love the mysteriousness.
You (Last Season)
I initially thought I was not gonna like it because of what I read in the commets. But I liked how Joe has been held accountable and has been seen for who he really was. I don’t know how to explain this but I think its really the fitting ending for Joe and the other characters.
We saw Joe being regretful and thinking that he deserved it but then when he sees that he can get out of something he does the bad thing again. It seems like he doesn’t really regret it. I like how the series showed the way he acts like he loves someone and the next moment he wants to kill her and is not even regretful. The way it showed that he’s not really going to be a good father to Henry. He says that he wants to be a good father to him but proceeds on focusing on Bronte. We see who Joe really is. In the previous seasons I admit I did cheer him on with the things he did and now I was wondering how they made it like this cause now its hard for me to cheer him on anymore.
Uptown girl
Made me about to cry in some parts.
Beef
I like it. Makes you see the butterfly effect. I also like the part when they were stuck together. I guess you really will love someone once you get to know and understood them fully. Oh to be stuck with someone and just talk and be honest witrh each other.
Loki
I feel like there has to be another season after the last one huhu
Euphoria
I have mixed feelings and opinions about Cassie and Nate and Rue. I don’t think its safe to share lol
Spider-Man Across the Spider-Verse and Into the Spider-Verse
I love it. I forgot to write a note about it
Frankenstein
The last part made me cry
Tulip Fever
First movie I watched with what I think was a peaceful ending… Dane DeHaan!!
Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist
Watching this feels comforting in some way maybe because its predictable? I like that I don’t have to think if the movie has any deeper or poetic meaning.
Bugonia
I like the twist. I’m not sure how to feel about this movie. Its scary and dangerous how people can believe or make up something so ridiculous just because it fits with their feelings or with what they wanted to believe in.
The Shadow’s Edge
The action part was so cool. I didn’t like the technology part hahah.
Zootopia 2
I love Garyyyy!!!!!!
A Star Is Born
Its a sad movie. I can see the dynamic in the movie happening in real life as well. The fragile masculinity, insecurity, pride where a man’s self worth is tied with being superior to their partner or having the attention to him. It made me think of the Filipino Movie The Breakup Playlist.
Nina and The Starry Bride
Watched this at the start of the year. I can’t remember much but I like it. I think I’m torn between the male leads.
Handmaid’s Tale (Season 4&5)
I think if it did happen in real life Fred and Serena will be able to get away and have a better life.
I think every trip starts with a small sign that tells you how it’s going to go. I’m not sure what mine meant.
I almost forgot to wear my shoes before leaving the house. I was just wearing a crocs slipper as I left the front door. That’s what I’ll be wearing the whole trip if my father didn’t notice hahah. I had planned to leave at 1 PM, but I got worried it might rain hard, so I decided to leave early. Just as I was putting on my mismatched socks and shoes, it started raining. When I got to the bus terminal, the bus I needed leaves at 1 PM. Thankfully, I left home early! The bus window was clear. (I can’t remember why I wrote that last sentence in my notes app, maybe it felt important at the time lol)
I had a smooth flight on the way. During takeoff, Maps by Yeah Yeah Yeahs suddenly played in my earphones. AAAAAA. What timing 😭.
There’s also a weird coincidence. The woman I was sitting next to at the waiting area ended up being the same woman I sat next to on the plane. She kept coughing, and I remember thinking, maybe I’m meant to catch the flu on this trip. I didn’t.
The day I arrived in Chiang Mai felt surreal and I also feel a little out of place, maybe. I arrived at night. It was so dark outside or maybe it just looked that way because of the car tint. I sat in the backseat on the way to the hotel while a soft Thai song played. When I arrived, only a few lights were on. People were already sleeping.
Throughout the trip, I kept saying I’m feeling lazy. I just wanted to stay in the hotel and edit photos. But somehow, I’d still end up going out.
I kept pushing myself even when I was tired from the day before. I pushed myself to the limit that my right eye started twitching lol. The back of my left leg hurt too, which naturally led me to think: What if I go home crippled? I was getting paranoid I started worrying if I’ll get rhabdomyolysis from walking too much and die. My body is used to like… 500 steps a day (I work from home) and all of a sudden I’m walking 20k steps per day. I had so much energy to explore, but my body felt fragile. It felt like being trapped inside it.
Traveling solo also brought strange thoughts. I kept thinking, what if I suddenly go insane and started wandering through the streets. I laughed at myself, but the thought lingered.
There was one moment when my SIM card stopped working while I was on the train. I have two sims and both are not working! I bought the second one because the first is almost out of data. At first, I thought there was just no signal. But even when I reached Terminal 21, there was still no connection, no internet, no Google Maps. Strangely, I wasn’t panicking but I knew I would if it went on any longer. Thankfully, when I went to McDo it has free Wi-Fi. I could breathe again.
Still, there’s something satisfying about challenging yourself, thinking maybe you can navigate without Google Maps. When I was walking around Talad Noi and finding my way back on my own just by memory feels like a tiny achievement or getting a new skill. There’s also times when I unconciously dissociated while walking. It feels like teleporting. One second you’re here, then suddenly you’re somewhere else.
I actually hesitated about going inside temples in Thailand. They’re beautiful, but I was scared of doing something wrong or disrespectful and getting eternal bad luck. I remember as I was entering the temple with the Big Buddha, there’s a female tourist telling people to step over the door/the wooden thing at the entrance that is part of the door? I wasn’t going to step on it but I forgot about that. What if I was going to? That would’ve been it for me.
On the plane back home, I closed my eyes and saw the streets of Bangkok. It felt like a part of my soul was still walking there. Maybe it still is. And maybe that’s what travel does, it leaves parts of you behind, just to prove you were really there. Mine was very literal. I lost my bracelet somewhere and left my glasses at the hotel.
I don’t know if I actually read it somewhere or if it just came from my unreliable mind. Sometimes it likes to jump to its own conclusions and invents things. For centuries, women are not supposed to be seen in public without a companion or a chaperone for their reputation, security or to make them less conspicuous. Traveling alone was rare and almost unthinkable.
Even I, up until college, felt uneasy going anywhere by myself. I remember feeling this weird vulnerability just walking to the restroom alone. It’s almost funny now.
For the longest time, I liked to believe I was an old soul born decades too late because of my taste in music and my affinity for vintage fashion. But during my solo trip to Thailand, that idea dissolved. I realized how lucky I am to be alive in this era. To exist in a time when a small screen can tell me where I am, where I’m going, and what to do if I get lost.
It hit me unexpectedly that I made happy noises in a hotel room that I booked by myself, for myself in a foreign country where nobody knows me. The world I once romanticized would’ve never let me move the way I do now. It wouldn’t give me the courage to cross borders by myself. Walking alone through airports and unfamiliar streets feels almost ordinary but compared to the past, it’s actually extraordinary. The fact that I can listen to Mozart every night, on flights, on walks, anywhere is like a miracle.
Thinking about it, I’m actually born at the perfect moment. I was born early enough to have known life without the internet, to wait for a song on the radio, to flip through books… and also just in time to experience the freedom that technology offers now that I’m an adult. The timing feels almost deliberate.
Being able to step into the world alone. Trusting that I’ll be okay, and knowing I can find my way with just a little signal makes me feel incredibly lucky. I don’t want to take that for granted. I’m deeply grateful to be alive in a time that allows me to grow into this version of myself.
“I can’t believe I never went on a date this year.” That was the very first sentence I wrote months ago, in the earliest draft of this post. Which is funny, because why did I write that? Why was that my opening thought?
At the beginning of the year, I gave myself about a million goals. Some were unrealistic, some I didn’t even like, and some I only wanted because they looked good on paper. I kept adding things to stay busy and kept multitasking so I wouldn’t have to think too hard about anything else.
This year, whenever something mildly inconvenient happened, my whole routine will collapse for a week. And I cried almost every month, only to realize it was just my period again. But also, there was so much happening this year, both locally and internationally, that made me feel sad and frustrated. I had to force myself to stay away from the internet because I was staying up late doomscrolling or mentally drafting responses to rage-bait posts. It was affecting me, draining my energy, and honestly, I feel small and it all felt really pointless.
Today I listened to this playlist again. The first song that caught me was Northern Star, and it made me smile. Sometimes in awe or nostalgia or bitterness. According to my Spotify Wrapped, my top song this year was Hozier’s cover of Do I Wanna Know. I listened to it 36 times… and then three more times after that.
Other songs that low-key defined my year: Jeff Buckley’s Mama, You Been on My Mind, Corsicana, and Andrew Bird’s Are You Serious. Selfless by The Strokes (first heard during a very late Spotify jam). Lover Boy by Sophie. Let Down 🥺. Nobody’s Son 💅. To The Wolves. All of them just quietly living in the background of my 2025.
And somewhere in all of this crying, chaos and endless scrolling, I somehow learned how to come back to myself, slowly and imperfectly. I learned how to feel everything without needing to escape it.
I have just found the best meditation YouTube channel ever!
It’s called Great Meditation, and the woman’s voice there is soo calming. The kind of voice that makes you feel safe.
A while ago, I was feeling really anxious. My brain was full of worries that didn’t even really make that much sense. It was already 2 AM and I decided that I need to do something. I can’t go to sleep feeling this heavy. So I searched on YouTube: great meditations for releasing worries. One of their videos popped up: There’s No Need to Worry
I started listening… and I didn’t even notice the time passing. When I used to try meditation before, I would think how many minutes left? or why is this taking so long? But with this channel, it didn’t feel that long at all. I didn’t notice that it has already been 10 minutes.
Of course, my mind still wandered. I caught myself thinking about the things I was worried about. Every time I noticed it, I try to bring myself back to the voice and my breathing. And even if my thoughts weren’t perfectly quiet, I still felt like meditating helped even just a little.
When I opened my eyes, everything looked brighter and clearer. I even thought my eyesight suddenly improved. I have blurry vision (especially in my right eye) but after that meditation, it was like the world sharpened. It felt really nice.
Now I’m reminded of the first guided meditation I did back in high school. I’m not sure if I know it was meditation at the time. Our adviser asked us to sit outside on the grass, close our eyes, inhale, exhale… And then when I opened my eyes, I remember being so surprised by how beautiful everything looked. The grass, the sky, even the school building. It all seems extra bright and clear, like the feeling of wearing a new pair of glasses.
Right now, I’m writing this because I’m still worrying about things. I don’t worry over things like this but this one just feels kind of heavy. It doesn’t even make sense anymore. There’s this quote that I used to think whenever I’m overthinking and worrying. I can’t remember the exact quote but it’s something like: When you overthink, you just waste your time or energy over nothing. You’re just torturing yourself over something that you’re not even sure is going to happen and when it really happened, you only suffer twice.
I really needed that reminder today.
So, the channel is called Great Meditation. If you’ve been wanting to try meditation but you’re not sure where to start, I recommend starting there. Their guided meditations doesn’t feel overwhelming or “too spiritual” or anything.
I also realized something about meditation today. I always think that meditation is like, you wake up and just do meditation, like the same kind of meditation everyday. That didn’t work for me so I wasn’t able to be consistent with it but something I realized today is that you can use meditation based on what you need on that day. For example you’re stressed about money, you can search for the a guided meditation about manifesting abundance or money mindset or when you need to do alot of things that day, you should try meditations for productivity or focus. You can treat it like a little emotional first-aid kit and pick what you need.
I think that’s what I’m going to do. I’ll just choose meditations based on what I’m actually feeling instead of forcing myself into a repetitive perfect routine.
If you’ve been feeling heavy too, maybe this is your sign to try one. Pick a guided meditation that speaks to you and just let yourself be guided. Your mind will probably wander (mine did), but that’s okay. You can always gently bring it back.
Yesterday I was really craving pasta and I wanted it fast! The problem is… I only had pasta and some leftover tomato sauce in the fridge.
So, I did a quick Google search and found Pasta Al Pomodoro, and then I kinda just… improvised. Used what I had and made my own version. It was so good that it ended up being the only thing I ate all day. I knew I had to save this recipe and share it with you so here it is!
Ingredients
3 tbsp olive oil 5 cloves garlic, minced 1 medium white onion chopped 3 cups tomato sauce 1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp black pepper 2 tsp sugar 1 tsp dried oregano diced cheese (as much as you want) Pasta
Instructions
Heat olive oil over medium heat
Cook onion until soft
Add garlic and cook until fragrant
Pour in tomato sauce and stir
Add salt, pepper, sugar, dried oregano and cheese
Taste and adjust
Reduce heat to low
Simmer uncovered, stirring occasionally, until sauce thickens
Add sauce to cooked pasta
And that’s it! This little pasta turned out way better than I expected. Sitting down with it, I just felt… happy. I don’t know, maybe it’s the fact that I made it all by myself. It definitely fed my soul. 👩🍳✨
I’ve been procrastinating so much lately. But recently, I heard this line: “The way forward is through.” It hit me. Because it’s true. You can’t finish anything by avoiding it or by doing other less important things. You need to go through it. You just have to do it.
So here’s a little bomb of motivation to remind both of us to keep taking purposeful action.
You don’t need a perfect timing or a magical burst of motivation. You just have to DO IT NOW!
I used to wait for the right mood or the productive version of myself to show up. But she never did. And the longer I waited, the heavier it all felt and the harder it is to start.
The funny thing is, once you start, even just a tiny step, you’ll realize that it’s never as bad as you imagined. You start typing one sentence, and suddenly, you’re writing a whole page. You wash one cup, and somehow the whole sink ends up clean.
It’s not about doing your best but it’s about doing something or starting somewhere.
No more delays or excuses. Every task you start today brings you closer to your dream so you have to begin now. Not later!
Your time is valuable and limited. Stop giving it away to procrastination. Finish what matters most. Choose actions over hesitation. Keep showing up even when its hard. Choose progress over perfection. Say no to distractions that steal your time. Discipline is your strenght and consistency is your secret weapon.
This is your reminder (and mine) to stop waiting for the right time. It doesn’t exist. Start small, start late, start scared, just start!
This month, I found myself deep in a rabbit hole of interviews and podcasts, starting with a green witch, another with a paranormal investigator, and one with an exorcist. They just somehow found me on my feed. Anyway, here are some notes and quotes I picked up that I found interesting.
Listening to these people made me realize how some belief systems overlap. There are similarities that, as a skeptic, make it harder and harder to know what to actually believe anymore. Still, I found these stories intriguing and honestly, I was terrified for two days straight. It’s creepy to know that people have real-life experiences of things you only see in horror movies. I can’t stop thinking about it.
– The Third Eye may be either a blessing from God or a gift from a demon. If an exorcist tries to close it and it still opens, it might be from God, meaning there’s a purpose for it and you’re meant to use it for a greater good.
– Only demons can possess people. Ghosts can’t, but demons can use these ghosts to get to the person.
– During an exorcism, the demon will try to distract or shock you, but you’re supposed to focus only on God, not on the theatrics.
– There’s a thin line between mental illness and possession. Demons can feed on negativity like anger, hatred, or unforgiveness. An exorcist shared a story of a woman who kept getting possessed until she forgave someone she deeply resented. After that, she was finally free. Holding on to anger creates your own kind of hell.
– Deals with spirits often come with a price. For instance, a witch once described how a beautiful girl who practiced dark magic suddenly lost her looks. Something was taken from her in exchange.
– Witches protect their own energy by creating tools for others instead of casting spells themselves. When you buy and use those tools, you’re the one performing the ritual, not the witch.
– Spirits are drawn to negative energy. Places where something bad happened, or where something illegal occurred. Some spirits just want help while others just accidentally reveal themselves to people according to a paranormal expert.
– Angels vibrate on such a high frequency that contacting them can be exhausting according to a witch.
– Ouija boards attract the nearest spirit around you, not necessarily a good one which is why most practitioners don’t recommend using them.
– Witchcraft can manifest physically. One exorcist described a woman who vomited and excreted nails, barbed wires, thumbtacks, and staples during a session. Supposedly, these objects “solidify” when exposed to air.
– The devil is a show-off. During exorcisms, demons love to perform, they try to scare, distract, or impress because they want to distract you from praying. They’re extremely narcissistic and have a big ego or pride. They don’t want to show that they’re losing.
– Priests’ hands are anointed during their ordination, giving them consecrated power when blessing or laying hands during exorcisms.
– Demonic attachments can show up as addictions, things you can’t seem to break free from because you’re being spiritually tempted.
– Blood sacrifices (like pouring chicken blood at a new road or building site) can invite infestations. A demon can claim that place through the blood, since blood has consecratory power.
– Not believing in the devil doesn’t protect you from him. The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.
– Even small rituals like blowing out birthday candles or setting up a “lucky altar” for New Year’s can be considered forms of witchcraft, depending on intention.
– Demons exist outside of time. Just because the world is modern now doesn’t mean they’re gone. Time doesn’t apply to them. Centuries may pass, but a demon remains what it is.
That’s it for my little horror digest this month. I’m not saying I fully believe everything I heard, but I do find it fascinating how all of these intertwine. Maybe we’re not meant to know the full truth. Or maybe we already do and it’s just too scary to accept.