Years ago, I watched a movie that left me with a question—one I still haven’t quite answered. Which is better: an unfinished ending or a tragic one? I don’t remember the title of the movie. I tried searching for it, but nothing looked familiar but I think it was about a girl who dances ballet. It was popular on Netflix at the time, which is why I watched it, though I remember not particularly liking it but I liked parts of it especially the ending.
My memory is unreliable, so forgive me if I get the details wrong. What I remember at the end of the movie is this: two characters, standing at the edge of a building. They were torn between killing themselves or leaving to start a new life. The latter one was just what went in my mind haha. I was at the edge of my seat waiting for what’s gonna happen next. I’m also torn on which would be the best choice for them and for the movie as a whole. Then, just as it seemed they would step forward, the screen cut to black.
I felt relief as the ending credits rolled. A real, physical kind of relief, as if by cutting to black, the film had spared not just its characters but also me. Although it seems like they’re going to jump when the movie ended, it still leaves a possibility that they changed their minds and chose to live. The relief I felt back then after how the movie ended was my answer. I’d rather choose the unfinished ending than continue even if I knew that the ending will more likely be a tragedy. I’d rather not know than witness something tragic. For a movie I think it’s a good choice cause it leaves a room for interpretation and hope. You get to decide how the movie ends for you.
But is that the right choice? If you know—if you are 80% sure—that a story will end in tragedy, do you still want to watch it unfold? Or do you leave before it happens? Even now, I still wonder: am I being practical, or is it just avoidance? Is it better to know, even if it hurts? Or is it better to let the story remain unfinished, existing in the space where anything is still possible?
And if we apply it to life—would you pursue something you know won’t end well, or would you walk away and live with the weight of what-ifs?
Do you think that it’s possible to spend luck? While I was playing Love in Deepspace, I came across the fascinating concept of luck conservation, thanks to Xavier.
I looked into it more, and the idea is that luck can be used up or spent. Once you use it up, misfortunes starts happening. It’s like if you experienced a lot of good things in a row, you should be careful after that because the universe might send something to you to restore the balance. There’s even a name for that fear: Cherophobia. It’s the fear of being too happy because you believe something bad will follow. It’s like having trust issues whenever you feel extreme happiness. I used to feel and notice that when I go out with my friends. When I get back home, I’ll have this feeling of unease. I would prepare myself that something bad would happen and eventually something does goes wrong. But was it really bad luck, or was I just so convinced that happiness had consequences that I started looking for proof?
The thing is, luck conservation isn’t real, at least, not in the way we think. It’s a mindset, a superstition we convince ourselves of to maintain a sense of control. In believing in it and in trying to prepare for the worst, all we really do in the end is rob ourselves of the actual moment. We don’t allow ourselves to feel too happy because somewhere in the back of our minds, we’re already bracing for the bad things that might happen. We dull our own joy, as if keeping our happiness at a level will somehow prevent the universe from sending misfortunes our way. But the truth is, life doesn’t work that way. The good things don’t require bad things to follow. Sometimes, happiness is just happiness, and by constantly anticipating the worst, we end up missing the best parts of it. And what a waste that is.
Not Everything is Meant to Be Posted (Including This?)
Do you know that satisfying feeling when you discover a really good song that no one else knows? It’s like finding a hidden treasure that you just want to keep to yourself so you decided to not share the song with other people. That’s what they call gatekeeping. I think most people do that to protect the magic. Recently, I realized that it doesn’t just apply with songs. You can gatekeep yourself too. Turns out, I’ve already been doing it… though mostly out of laziness to post anything. But just this week, I decided that it’s time to fully commit to it. So, as step one of my self-gatekeeping journey, I made my Instagram private. HAHA.
We live in an era where oversharing is the norm. Every thought, every meal, every interesting life update was captured, documented and uploaded on social media for the world to see. It’s fun and a good way to record your memories and thoughts. But like anything in life, too much of it is never a good thing.
Every time I post, I catch myself overthinking something like if thecaption sound weird or if people will find it funny or cringe. Before I know it, something as simple as sharing a photo turns into a mental dilemma about how I’ll be perceived. Aside from the risk of sharing a personal information that might land in the wrong hands, social media also has this weird way of making you feel like you’re curating a character instead of just being. The more I put out this polished version of myself, the more I feel like an imposter in my own life.
So, I’ve decided to gatekeep myself a little. Keep my life mine. You don’t have to share everything. If you also want to do the same, a simple way to start is to post on delay. Sometimes, you might even forget to post it and realize you didn’t need to share it in the first place. Be a little mysterious; you don’t have to share your every move. It makes life feel less performative, and honestly, there’s something nice about keeping parts of your life exclusive.
Of course I’ll still post, but I don’t feel the pressure to reveal everything or think about other people’s opinion. Some things can stay personal. Maybe I’ll just share the random weird, stupid, or chaotic things instead.
Am I Overthinking or Did I Just Unlocked the Secrets of the Universe?
It’s scary how my brain sometimes loves to throw me into a full existential spiral especially before I go to sleep. I don’t know if this will make sense to anyone, but it made sense to me at the time, so here we go.
The other night, I found myself thinking about this theory I learned months ago. It’s a concept that says that if you want something badly, it might be because your future self already has it. Or if you feel drawn to a certain place, maybe it’s because you’ve been there or that it will have a big impact to you in the future.
A Japanese phrase captures something similar—Koi no Yokan. It describes the feeling you get when you meet someone and just know they’re going to be important in your life. Not in a love at first sight kind of way, but more like a this is going somewhere kind of way. Instead of an instant spark, it’s the quiet certainty that love will grow over time, which I think is really beautiful.
That made me wonder, what if our fate is already predetermined? Do we have no control over it? Or maybe we are just choosing from different versions of reality? It’s comforting to think that in some version of life, we already have everything we’ve ever wanted. Right? That the things we desire aren’t random.
If that’s true then that may also mean that time is not linear, that things has already happened, or maybe every moment is happening at the same time and we’re just experiencing it in a way that makes sense to us.
Despite that, I’d like to think that it’s still up to us to carve our own path. It’s still up to us to align our present timeline to that timeline where we have everything we’ve ever dreamed of. Our desires are just glimpses or messages from our future self guiding us to what’s possible.
Speaking of possibilities, let’s talk about Schrodinger’s cat. It’s an experiment where a cat is put in a box with a 50/50 chance of being dead or alive. The cat exists in two realities at once, dead and alive until you open the box. Only then does one possibility become real. That’s kind of how life works, right? There are countless possibilities and realities existing at the same time, but it can only become real the moment we make a choice or decide to align ourselves to it.
I really believe that if you act like you’re already the person you want to become, you start aligning with that version of yourself and that leads me to another concept I love: the Pygmalion Effect also known as the self-fulfilling prophecy. It’s basically the idea that whatever we believe becomes true because we subconsciously make it true with our actions or the energy we give out. For example, if you think that someone dislikes you, you might unconsciously act in a way around them that makes themeventually dislike you. Not because they ever did in the first place, but because you made it happen. It’s lowkey terrifying how much our thoughts can shape our reality.
If our thoughts hold that much power, we might as well just think about something good right? That reminded me of Carl Jung’s synchronicity. It is the idea that reality responds to our energy or inner world. Maybe there’s no such thing as coincidence. Maybe reality responds to us by reflecting back whatever energy we put into it even how small it is.
It’s kind of like thebutterfly effect. The idea that even the tiniest action can set off a chain reaction that changes everything. Have you heard about a butterfly flapping its wings and somehow causing a hurricane? It sounds dramatic, but honestly, it makes sense. Life works the same way. Choices, even things that feel insignificant in the moment can add to something that may completely reshape our lives. That made me wonder how many small decisions changed the course of my life without me even realizing it. Even the tiniest decisions like taking risk, following a gut feeling or choosing kindness can create ripple effects far beyond what we can see in the moment.
The butterfly effect naturally lead my mind to another fascinating concept that has a ripple effect. It is called paying forward. I first learned about it from the book I recently read entitled A Culture of Happiness. It talks about generosity and how it creates happiness not just for others but for you too. Something as simple as paying for a stranger’s meal could start a chain reaction of kindness that eventually comes full circle. Unfortunately, negativity works the same way. Just as kindness multiplies, so does harm. The energy we put out into the world always finds its way back to us.
And that, of course, brings me to karma. What you put out into the world eventually comes back to you, even if it’s not immediate. A genuine act of kindness creates positive energy, while actions rooted in negativity bring consequences. And honestly, that’s why I don’t believe in revenge. People who act out of malice usually end up self-destructing on their own. Instead of wasting energy trying to “get even,” learn to transform the negativity into something positive or something meaningful. Use it as fuel to create, to grow and to build something good.
Maybe that’s the whole point of all of this—the universe isn’t just happening to us; it’s responding to us. Your thoughts shape your actions and your actions shape your reality. Every little thing you do matters and it all feeds back into the grand design of life and even the universe. And that is kind of insane! And here I am at 2 am on my bed, overthinking my entire existence instead of just going to sleep.
I keep forgetting to write a post about this. It’s late, but here it is. This is me trying to recall that experience with my questionable memory. This was a year ago.
I still can’t believe I did it — I went to a Coldplay concert alone. Its the first real concert I attended as well if we’re not counting the Parokya ni Edgar concert I watched in school. I had no idea what to expect and where I got the guts to attend it by myself. But here we are. All I know is that I really want to go.
I think I first discovered them in high school. Then in college, I would download all the soulful music I could find and listen to Coldplay along with The Fray and The Kooks during my commutes. My favorite songs from Coldplay back then were Fix you, Viva la vida and SHIVER! During an event I attended at school, I remember a band playing “Everglow,” and that’s when I started liking that song too.
The tickets sold out fast on the first day so I though I wouldn’t be able to attend the concert. I also missed my chance to book for the second day because I wasn’t aware of it. But then, in a twist of fate (or pure luck), I found a listing on Carousell, and the seller happened to be nearby. The universe wanted me at that concert, I thought. After securing the ticket, my next challenge was figuring out how to get there.
On concert day, I felt relieved that everything was well-organized. I didn’t get lost or have an internal meltdown. Standing in line was… awkward especially when you’re alone and there are groups of people around. I brought food, but eating while waiting for the line to move felt weird. I feel like a peasant who was just handed a meal. But of course, I still ate after sitting down. Hunger always wins.
The concert opened with Jika Marie. I love her hair. She’s so cute, and her song “Balang Araw” stayed with me. And then Coldplay started, and suddenly I was being spiritually cleansed by sound waves.
I had this internal battle about recording during the concert. Initially, I didn’t want to. I wanted to live in the moment, not through my phone screen during this what might’ve been a very important time of my life. But while waiting in line, I overheard someone saying how they regretted not recording their previous concert. So I recorded but tried not to look at my phone, not caring if my jumping or movements would mess up the video.
For “Sky Full of Stars,” I only recorded when the song was about to end. I wanted to actually feel it. And it was everything! I don’t want to write down cliche phrases describing the Coldplay concert experience like it being like a sensory overload or comparing it to having an orgasm, but I can’t find another way to describe it. It’s really what it is.
I was already walking to the parking lot when they played “Fix You.” The song was drifting through the night air, and suddenly I was crying while walking alone. I was singing along having my main character moment: “Tears stream down your face and Iiiiiiiii… lights will guide you home and ignite your bones. I will try to fix you.” Thankfully, there was nobody near enough to hear my tragic, off-key singing.
How am I supposed to recover from all that? 😭 It was so magical. The experience was more than worth its price.
Despite the emotional ambush, going alone and surviving the night was incredibly satisfying. On that same day, I read a quote about solo travel and not waiting for other people to see the world. It wasn’t about concerts, but it pushed me even more to just go for things, even if I have to do them alone. I hope I get to attend another Coldplay concert—and this time, I’ll stay till the end. And hopefully, I’ll get a chance to hear them play Shiver and afford the VIP ticket 🥹🙏
Trying new things—especially food—can be scary. But I wouldn’t have discovered this amazing food if I never took the risk. So yeah, this is your sign to just go for it. Worst case? You don’t like it. Best case? You find your new favorite thing 😌🍽️
1. Yu pin king clam noodles
I found this while grocery shopping, and it’s shining like a beacon, so I bought one for each flavor, and the Clam flavor is the one that I liked the most.
2. Ubeco’s Teriyaki fried rice
I’m still thinking about it…
3. Crab/seafood burger in Mosa
A very unique tasting burger lavettt!
4. Roasted pork in Lin Wo hK
It took me straight back to the one I had at Yingying.
5. Wai ying’s Deep Fried Wanton
10/10 The taste of shrimp is so unique
6. Chicken pot pie by diang eng chay
The crust was crumbly but its still so good!
6. Mary Grace’s mango Bene
I didn’t expect it to be good but its GOOD!!! 😭 I don’t really like eating cakes and sweets but this one changed it for me.
The Pink Diamond Theory: Knowing Your Worth and Finding Peace
I recently listened to this life-changing podcast from Hot and Unbothered about a pink diamond theory, and wow, it completely shifted my perspective. Seriously, it hit me like a ton of bricks.
So here’s the story: A guy finds this super rare pink diamond and gives it to his daughter. He tells her to go around the village and see how much people will buy it for. She starts with the baker and when he asks how much it is, the girl only holds up 2 fingers. The baker looks at it and says, “Oh, only two dollars?” He knows it’s worth more, but because she’s a young girl, he figures he can lowball her. But the girl knows the value of the diamond, so she moves on.
Next, she goes to the antique store. She holds up 2 fingers again when he asks how much it is. The antique store owner goes, “200 dollars? Nah, not even close.” He doesn’t see its true worth and is not even willing to pay that much. So, she leaves again.
Finally, she takes it to a jeweler, and when he sees it, his eyes light up. She holds up 2 fingers again when he asks its price. He says, “2 million dollars? That’s a fair price.” He understands the value of the pink diamond and is ready to do whatever it takes to possess it. The girl didn’t sell the diamond to the people who didn’t recognize its worth. She waited for someone who truly saw it for what it was. And that is the lesson.
You are the pink diamond. You’re going to encounter people who don’t see your worth, and that’s okay. Don’t try to force them to recognize it. Move on and wait for the person who will truly value you.
This reminds me of a journey I’ve been on lately. At the end of 2023, I was craving peace, like needing it. I made these friendship bracelets with Taylor Swift song titles to give my friends during The Era’s Tour movie. For myself, I made one with Peace—my favorite TS song from last year. At first, it was just a song, but it became something deeper. It became a reminder for me to find peace, something I needed at the time. I wore it constantly.
By August this year, I stopped wearing it. I’m not sure why, but I think it’s because I no longer needed it to remind me of peace. My mind feels more peaceful than ever. Like, you could throw anything at me, and I’d just be like, “Okay, cool.” I’ve learned to accept and let go of things because I realize I don’t own anything in this world. Everything is just an experience.
It’s like that Adventure Time scene where Betty tells Simon, “You were a wonderful experience.” and Simon says, “You are everything.”
When I first saw it, I hated that scene. Like, why can’t they change things or pretend and make their own happy ending? But now, I see how deep and beautiful it is. It’s about accepting things as they are, which feels like a very stoic way of thinking.
Soooo, after hearing this pink diamond theory, I decided to buy myself a pink gem ring. It is the perfect symbol for me to remember the lesson of knowing my worth and not settling for anything less than what I deserve. I plan to wear it until I find my “jeweler.” If you’re curious about the other meaningful things I’ve been holding onto lately, check out this blog.
Let’s rewind to the pandemic, when people can’t leave their homes and the world turned into one big Rapunzel montage. You know the one—painting the walls, brushing your hair, ventriloquizing your pet? Well, I swore to myself I’d try every hobby in that Rapunzel song, and candle-making landed squarely on the list.
So I bought all I needed online—soy wax, wicks, little jars—but here’s the thing: I never actually did it. Life just kept happening (as it does), and the candle-making supplies got shoved into a corner like an abandoned New Year’s resolution. Then one fateful day, the power went out and I can’t find any candle at home.
Cue my “survival instincts” kicking in. I dug up those soy waxes, slapped a wick into a glass jar, and voilà—a functional candle! It wasn’t pretty, but it worked. I remember sitting there, smugly admiring my janky creation.
Of course, I promised myself I’d take the whole hobby more seriously and make real candles someday. Spoiler: I didn’t.
But here’s the thing—candles still fascinate me. I want to try making all the fancy ones: scented candles, succulent-shaped candles, carved candles, and even painted candles.
Speaking of candles, can we talk about how magical it feels to receive one? Last Christmas, I got a candle as a gift (it came with a lighter), and let me tell you, I cherished that thing. I’d light it during my nighttime skincare routine, meditation, or stretching sessions. It burned beautifully for weeks. Something about candles as gifts just hits differently. That’s why I still can’t bring myself to buy my own candle even if I have already added some on my online shopping basket.
My candle obsession, I think, goes way back to my childhood. Whenever there was a storm and the power went out, I was that kid who sat there watching the flame like it was a portal to another dimension. I’d play with the dripping wax, shape it into little balls, burn a strand of my hair, and even try to pass my finger through the flame like I was some kind of magician. Candles and fire always felt so…mystical.
And then there’s all the weird candle lore—like, why do you need a candle to summon Bloody Mary in front of a mirror? Why do witches light candles for their spells? Why do we use them for graves, memorials, and ceremonies? It’s like candles hold this ancient, mysterious power that we all just accept without question.
I’ve done my research and apparently, lighting candles is thought to cleanse negative energy and bring positive ones. I guess, that makes sense. Every time I light one, it’s like an instant mood reset. The room feels cozier, my head feels clearer, and everything just feels a little…warmer or lighter?
Anyway, I could ramble on about candles forever, but if you’re as curious as I am, check out this link for more fun facts about their history: https://candles.org/history/
Who knows? Maybe one day, that spark of candle-making will reignite in me. Until then, I’ll just keep basking in their glow. ✨
Because I’m bored and I’m not feeling like myself lately, I took an MBTI test… again. What’s better than learning about yourself through a personality test? Right?!
And I got ISTP-A as a result. Should I be bothered that my personality changed a lot? or should I be happy because that could mean I’m evolving?
Last year, I was an INFJ, this July, I’m an INFP, and now I’m an ISTP. I attached below a screen capture of my result for you to compare.
That’s a lot of difference compared to INFJ and INFP though. No wonder I’m not feeling like myself lately? I don’t know what to think.
Virtuosos are typically steady for a while, but then they suddenly get a burst of impulsive energy that makes them pursue new interests. They enjoy living in the present and don’t stress about the future. They’re always eager to try new activities and experiences. The thought of being stuck scares them the most. What matters most to Virtuosos is the freedom to explore, make their own plans, and control their own lives. These are just some of the few insights about Virtuosos I got from 16 personalities that I found relatable. I think I’ve always been an ISTP, which is weird because why did I get that result just now? Maybe I’m a mix of the three and it just depends on my mood 🤷.
I don’t like the notion of being identified as something; nothing in the world is constant. I think no personality test or zodiac sign can ever define who you are or what you are. Some people may go overboard to judge and hate you just because of your birth chart which I think is stupid. It’s not something you have control over and I don’t like the idea of people basing their personality or identity on zodiac signs and personality tests.
