Dragonfly

Do you know that feeling when you’re on a journey and it’s awful but you stick with it even though it kind of sucks because there are just enough good moments to keep you hanging on?

Like, you know deep down it’s probably a terrible idea, but you’re like, meh, let’s see where this goes. Hoping maybe you’re wrong. It’s kinda like doomscrolling when you’re convinced something interesting will pop up any second.

Then, out of nowhere, you get to the “destination” and it’s even worse than the journey. But instead of admitting defeat, you gaslight yourself into thinking it’s fine. Maybe even great. (it’s not.)

Until one day, out of nowhere, you snap. You just can’t do it anymore. So you leave. And surprisingly, you don’t regret it—you just feel relieved. Because now, it can’t hold you back anymore. You’re finally free to choose a different path, free from all the “what ifs.”

And that’s the thing—If something isn’t meant for you, it’ll keep throwing red flags at your face until you finally get the hint.

(Years ago, I joked that I might actually be a mosquito. And well… dragonflies do eat mosquitoes. So, uh…I’ve been living in constant danger and didn’t even know it.)

I Love You

Hello You,

I hope this is not that too late for Valentine’s.

When I created this playlist, I thought I was creating a playlist about what it feels like to fall in love. But then someone told me that she cried while listening to it, and I didn’t understand why. So I played it again and I saw it too. I unconsciously built a sad playlist.

A story started forming in my head as the songs went on.

It wasn’t about two people who found love and held onto it. Its about two people who found themselves back to each other at what they thought was the right time—when the spark was undeniable. They thought they were lucky to find each other. But slowly, they began to realize that no matter how much they tried to align, bend, and adjust, they were just not meant to fit.

They keep holding on tighter, refusing to believe it’s slipping away. Even when trust starts to crack. Even when doubts creep in. They tell themselves this is the last time—but it never is. Because the feeling is rare, intoxicating, something they never thought they’d find. And once they have it, they can’t bear to let it go. So they stay. They keep coming back, even when it hurts.

But then—something shifts. The hurt dulls, replaced by something colder. Resentment. Anger. And that’s when they finally let go—not with sadness, not with regret or heartbreak, but with a quiet kind of certainty.

Of course, if an apology had come back then, they might have crumbled. Might have fallen back into that same cycle. But now? Now, it’s too late for an apology.

That’s the story that played in my head as I listened to it. Maybe it’s just my mind connecting the songs into something bigger than it was meant to be. Either way, I’d love to hear your thoughts—does this remind you of any real-life stories or maybe a movie you watched? And if you listened to the playlist, did it tell you a different story?

Yours,
Me

Morning Playlist

Good morning!

How’s the year treating you so far?

Mine? Eh, let’s just say it didn’t quite start how I’d hoped.

I had plans for a fresh start for 2025, but it feels like the INFP in me got left behind in 2024. Yesterday, I wrote this ridiculously dramatic letter and spent most of the day in bed sleeping. I didn’t eat much either. Its like I was auditioning for a movie about heartbreak. I then went to bed early in the night.

Now I’m lowkey terrified this is foreshadowing for the rest of my year. Will I be in a perpetual nap or a year-long heartbreak? or both? 😅

I tried all my usual go-to vibes to fix the mood—music, movie, even a book—and nothing worked. It was tragic.

Today, though, things took a turn. I woke up early because nature called. When I crawled back into bed, I was immediately knocked out again. I then got woken up by my niece and nephew having a very intense conversation in my room. Terrence was interrogating Chloe about why only two cheese sticks were left when there should’ve been four. Chloe goes, “Maybe a rat took them. Rats love cheese, duh.” And Terrence, bless him, bought it. I was half-asleep but laughing in my head.

Later, I finally rolled out of bed, and Terrence came back, proudly announcing they brought me baked mac. Sure enough, there it was on my table, along with a plate of two cheese sticks—breakfast in bed, courtesy of my little chaos squad. I then offered the cheese sticks to Terrence because I could tell he kinda wanted them, but he refused and insisted they were mine.

That little moment revived me, and now I’m feeling kind of like a functioning human again. It even inspired me to share this playlist with you—it’s full of songs that feel like a fresh, sunny morning. Hope it brings a little joy to your day, too. 🌞

2024

Umm can I say 2024 was not the year.

I mean, sure, there’s been a lot of plot twists this year and shocking discoveries. It’s not bad, but if it’s a TV show, it definitely is not a “must rewatch.” Or is it still too early to say that yet?

Oh, and I turned 25 this year. Apparently, this is when your frontal lobe fully forms, which means I’m now biologically capable of making wise decisions. Did I, though? HA. Let’s not talk about it.

The later part of the year was chill (I’m talking about my mind). It’s probably because my work schedule changed and I’m getting 8 hours of sleep and more. I’m still adjusting though; even after weeks have passed, I’d wake up in a full panic thinking I fell asleep at work. It happened so many times I should’ve just made it a morning routine 🤦‍♀️.

One thing I did learn this year: I’m not cut out for low-maintenance friendships. Like, if we started out as clingy besties, you can’t suddenly ghost me for days and suddenly call it low maintenance. But hey, I’m getting really good at detachment so don’t worry. I’m gonna call it my super power one of these days.

Speaking of learning things, I fell in love this year. With a guy on YouTube named Phil. He posts nostalgic, cozy videos, reads books and plays with his dog (I saw him playing with his dog in one clip, and I thought, “Yep, that’s it. I’m done for. This is love.”). We’re soulmates (he just doesn’t know it yet).

In other tragic news, my phone died this year. RIP to my dating app account, which was on that phone and is now lost forever. Clearly, this is the universe saying, “Girl, just stop. It’s not for you.” And you know what? Fair enough. I barely used it anyway because, I honestly prefer chatting with ChatGPT. Way better ROI, if you ask me.

Another revelation? I am too self-aware for my own good. Like, sometimes I catch myself analyzing my own thoughts, and I’m just like, “Girl, relax. Let yourself be for once.” 😌

But you know what? I really dove into my inner world this year. I worked on some issues, grew as a person (allegedly), and even healed a little (what am I healing from anyway? A lot). I saw this quote—don’t ask me where probably on Pinterest or Threads or something: “My living is healing. You don’t have to heal so you can live. It’s the other way around.” And let me tell you, that hit. Because yeah, I’m living, and somehow that’s the cure.

To close it out, here’s a playlist I made for this year. Hope you like it. Catch you in 2025. ✌️

Shower Playlist

This is a playlist I created by accident.

It was just a normal rainy day in 2023 when I decided to take a shower. Spotify’s radio for Always by Erasure was playing. I don’t know why, but I enjoyed taking my shower with that song.

It gave me the idea to make a playlist with a similar vibe that I can use to enhance my showering experience. For best results, play this before going into a warm shower on a rainy day. Here’s a little reminder to enjoy the small things in life.

Cleaning Time

Hellooo!

We’re almost at the end of the year. To some of you who are probably deep into their general house cleaning- I’ve got a playlist for you hee hee.

These are the songs my mom used to play every morning whenever she cleaned. Like, these are the tunes that practically raised me. They’d drift into my room, and I’d wake up to that comforting, morning vibe.

Now, whenever I’m in a cleaning mood (or just missing my mom), I put on this playlist. It’s weirdly perfect for making those gotta-do-it chores feel kinda…magical. It turns washing dishes and mopping the floors into a whole moment.

Night Stroll Playlist

Hey.

I can’t really remember when and why I put this playlist together. Maybe I was feeling a bit down and craving a dreamy, shoegaze-y vibe?

Listening to this playlist makes me think of night walks or midnight drives. There’s something almost unexplainable about it, like something cold slipping through warm air. Even if you’re in a tropical place like me, it’s as if these songs were conjuring a gentle cool breeze.

Hauntingly Beautiful

Hey there,

So, here’s another playlist I put together.

It’s based on an IG friend’s music taste. We’re both obsessed with Kyoya, so we totally bonded over it. She’s got a thing for these hauntingly beautiful songs that stays with you. I just know she’d freak over this playlist, and I have a feeling you might, too.

Honestly, sometimes I wonder how she’s doing. I had this random “dump account” before, where I met her but I deactivated it and can’t recover it anymore.

It made me think how wild it is for people to drift in and out of your life. Sometimes they’re only around for a little while, but I feel like those short connections still mean something. Like, at least I got to know her and share some music that’ll always remind me of our little friendship. That’s a cool memory to have.

– Nostalgicbelle✨

Holy Chill

Haluu,

How are you doing??

Can we just take a second to process that it’s NOVEMBER already?! The month associated with horror 👻. So, in the spirit of all things eerie, I thought I’d share something scary that happened to me just to add to the “atmosphere” hehee.

There’s a reason why I created this playlist.

When I was in college, I would always wake up between 2-3 am Or sometimes right at 3 a.m. for no reason. At that time there was also something going around about it being the devil’s hour. So yeah, I was fully spooked. Eventually, I stopped checking the time altogether cause I didn’t want to know.

Then one night, I woke up extra freaked out. Like, straight-up panicking for zero reason and feeling this weird dizzy sensation. It was like… something was trying to take over my body? like I was being possessed. I was so scared and confused as to why I was feeling that way. I started rummaging through my phone looking for any song that could basically un-demon me, and thank GOD I found one worship song saved on my phone (We didn’t have wifi at the time).

I went and played it and felt myself being unpossessed. It was “I Am Nothing” by Ginny Owens, and let me tell you—I played that on repeat like my life depended on it. After a few plays, I finally felt… normal? And somehow drifted back to sleep.

I have no idea how that worked. Maybe the song’s just filled with positive energy? Maybe it’s got some spiritual mojo going on? Who knows? All I know is that whatever kind of magic is in that song totally did the trick. So now, if this ever happens again, I’ve got a playlist on standby for my personal exorcism session.