My girl can’t be left alone with her own mind

While I was writing this post, I keep beating myself up and saying – this is not enlightening at all… and I’m very very sorry for my future self who will be reading this. I feel like she will despise me and I’m scared and worried if she’ll even exist in the future because what if I fail being her? What if I continued with what I’m doing right now and prevented myself of being her. What if I erase the version of me I’m supposed to grow into fu…(deletes the rest of the post)

I spent the whole night spiraling. When I closed my eyes, different scenarios, metaperceptions and the words that I want to say kept me up all night. Its like my mind is repeating it multiple times in my head so I won’t forget. Typing it doesn’t even help. Nothing helped. I can’t sleep, its too loud in here. I tried everything that had worked for me before, I tried listening to my sleep playlist, meditating, memorizing, reading, I listened to the Weightless album but nothing worked! Its like my mind is bullying me 😭. Insert Clubbed to death song here.

And almost like fate, I recently made a classical music playlist. I put together every classical music that is said to be good for brain creativity and brain function. Plus tracks that research suggests stimulate the mind. I listened to that playlist for 8 hours or more and I’m surprised by how it worked for me. I unkowingly put myself into an experiement.

By 11:30 am, I still haven’t slept at all but I feel stoic or something. Its like my mind just reset or I was posessed. Its not in an “I don’t care” way but its in like “its fine, I’ll just go through with it” way or “what am I overthinking about lol” way. For some reason, I feel energized even when I’ve been awake for more than 24 hours. I was able to do alot of productive things that I would normally feel tired or lazy doing like doing my laundry and cleaning my room etc. I was also able to go to work for 8 hours and after that I still feel energized to stay awake for 3 more hours. I’m like, where did all that energy came from?

The next day, I searched if its normal to feel energized after listening to classical music with no sleep. Apparently, there’s a documented phenomenon called the “Mozart effect.” It’s described as a kind of musical arousal or a dopamine spike triggered by complex auditory patterns. Some studies suggest classical music can lower cortisol and activate reward centers in the brain, increasing focus and creating a natural high. I feel like I was emotionally regulated by this playlist.

And here I heard some people say to not listen to classical music because it will make you feel sad and depressed. That’s not universally true. Not all classical music carries the same emotional weight and I guess I proved that to myself. I even found myself dancing a little to some of these songs. Anyway, here’s the playlist that saved me (sleep is still important though 😘):

Songs To Cry To

Hi,

I hope you’re okay.

Me, I’m feeling… not exactly sad… it’s more like a jenesequa kind of sadness.

I really don’t like it when I share anything about my love life or personal life here so I try my best to be vague. But this felt relevant and I like writing about something from the past. Hopefully, this is the last personal thing I’ll write for a while.

Its true… The saying where they say if you feel that much love or pain towards the wrong person, what more would you feel towards the right one? I used to think that love can get used up, that if you give it all to the wrong person, there’d be nothing left when the right one finally came along. The truth is we have infinite amount of love to give. It doesn’t run out and limiting the amount of love you give just because of fear of it running out or fear of being too much is a sad way to live. And I had to learn that the long way.

Which brings me here. Falling so deep in love and getting my heart broken so bad was in my bucket list (I guess that’s my way of convincing myself to not be afriad of getting my heart broken before), but so far, I hadn’t crossed it yet. I thought I did before, but its just limerence. Heartbreak does strange things to you. You try new things, go to unfamiliar places, reply to messages you’d normally ignore because once your heart is broken, the fear kind of disappears. Compared to a broken heart, what else could really hurt more right?

The strange thing is you feel this pain because of love. Its just too illogical…love. Scratch that, limerence. Either way, its illogical. You’re blinded by it, and the only way out seems to be hate… but you can’t hate them. You can’t because you make up excuses or keep making sense of what they did even though its not really making any sense. You force yourself to understand because you can’t let go. Eventually, the frustration has nowhere to go, so it spills and suddenly, you’re mad at everyone. Especially men.

A small confession: what helped me the most was listening to Wizardliz. I listened to all of her videos. Seriously. Sometimes you just need to cringe at yourself. Be embarrassed and feel disgusted to see it with clarity.

That’s enough oversharing. This isn’t really a heartbreak playlist (I made a different one for that). Its for when you want to cry or when you’re self blaming and maybe wanted to romanticize it just to survive it.

With tears in my eyes,

Belle

Joy

Hi!!

Happy New Yearrrrr! 🎆🎉 (can you feel how I’m vibing through all these r’s?)

I wanted to start this year happy, so I’m sharing this playlist with you. It is made up of songs that made me feel giddy.

How did your first day of the year go?

I’ve always wanted to start the year right… but sometimes you can’t just make yourself feel better when you’re not, like how I felt last year. But for the first time in a while, this New Year didn’t feel sad. Maybe because I was doing alot of other things and being surrounded by people I love that I didn’t even have the time to feel sad.

The best part of today was just hanging out with my sisters, like years ago before life got busy. Just sitting together, talking and doing nothing. It felt really nice. It made me think that maybe its true, the one that I see people saying online about 2026 being 2016.

I hope your year started off right too. I still think that the best time to end anything is at the end of the year. You leave things there and don’t drag them into January. Endings don’t always have to be heavy or sad. Sometimes they’re quiet and peaceful.

Anyway, here’s to starting again. Hope this playlist keeps you company at the start of the year.

– Belle 🥳

2025 Playlist

“I can’t believe I never went on a date this year.” That was the very first sentence I wrote months ago, in the earliest draft of this post. Which is funny, because why did I write that? Why was that my opening thought?

At the beginning of the year, I gave myself about a million goals. Some were unrealistic, some I didn’t even like, and some I only wanted because they looked good on paper. I kept adding things to stay busy and kept multitasking so I wouldn’t have to think too hard about anything else.

This year, whenever something mildly inconvenient happened, my whole routine will collapse for a week. And I cried almost every month, only to realize it was just my period again. But also, there was so much happening this year, both locally and internationally, that made me feel sad and frustrated. I had to force myself to stay away from the internet because I was staying up late doomscrolling or mentally drafting responses to rage-bait posts. It was affecting me, draining my energy, and honestly, I feel small and it all felt really pointless.

Today I listened to this playlist again. The first song that caught me was Northern Star, and it made me smile. Sometimes in awe or nostalgia or bitterness. According to my Spotify Wrapped, my top song this year was Hozier’s cover of Do I Wanna Know. I listened to it 36 times… and then three more times after that.

Other songs that low-key defined my year: Jeff Buckley’s Mama, You Been on My Mind, Corsicana, and Andrew Bird’s Are You Serious. Selfless by The Strokes (first heard during a very late Spotify jam). Lover Boy by Sophie. Let Down 🥺. Nobody’s Son 💅. To The Wolves. All of them just quietly living in the background of my 2025.

And somewhere in all of this crying, chaos and endless scrolling, I somehow learned how to come back to myself, slowly and imperfectly. I learned how to feel everything without needing to escape it.

Corruption Core PH

This playlist captures my anger and my hope.

Anger, because the government feels like one big circus, with corruption everywhere and people in power caring more about themselves than the country. And what makes it worse is that we are divided. Instead of standing together for what’s good for everyone, most people chose to fight for their politicians and not to the future of the Philippines.

Meanwhile, farmers, workers, and ordinary families are the ones who suffer. Food keeps getting more expensive, taxes pile up, ghost projects eat our money, and the same corrupt people just keep coming back into power.

Despite that I also feel hope. I believe we deserve better. Leaders who actually serve and can manage well. Transparency with our money and accountability for those who’ve stolen from the citizens. Affordable food prices and commute. I want solidarity, people fighting for each other, not for politicians.

So yeah, this playlist is for that mix of frustration and stubborn hope. For when you’re tired of the system and everything, but also not ready to stop dreaming that maybe someday we’ll get the country we’ve been fighting for.

My Room Concert Setlist

Sometimes my room turns into a concert stage but there’s no audience, just me with an imaginary mic.

The reason I made this playlist is that I randomly watched a YouTube video of a woman explaining the throat chakra. It basically said singing is one of the best ways to open it up and heal it. And as someone who used to have this thing with her voice and having a hard time expressing myself vocally, I’ve decided to try if it will work. I used to be so quiet ever since and my voice is almost whispery even when I try to make it louder. That wasn’t the case now but I miss that voice sometimes because there’s something delicate and cute about a soft voice.

There’s something almost magical about singing in your room. It’s healing I guess. I think singing these songs out loud helped me in some way. Aside from boosting my energy it made me feel more comfortable with my voice.

So yeah, this playlist is technically my “room concert setlist,” but it’s also kind of a therapy. It’s all the songs I love to belt out.

Game Bgm

I’ve always been a multitasker. Working while eating, listening to a podcast while typing, or even working with music on, sometimes singing along and building a playlist at the same time. I guess my brain gets bored if it’s doing only one thing.

With this playlist, I can somehow do three things at once without getting lost: work, listen, and have a full-on conversation. That’s how good it is.

I actually made this playlist because I read somewhere that video game background music can make you more focused and productive.

O, My heARt

Hi,

Coffee Shop Playlist

I made this in a hopeless romantic haze.

I imagine these songs playing at a tiny coffee shop. I imagine the people. A couple having their first date, two strangers lock eyes from across the room and their love story begins while a Colbie Caillat song was playing in the background, a group of old friends laughing out loud and someone journaling by the window.

There’s a smell of coffee in the air and everything is warm and glowing.

This is for us hopeless romantics who like to pretend we live in a cozy indie film.

Living In A State Of Trance

Helloo

Have you ever heard a song so good you accidentally close your eyes just to feel it?

This playlist is that.

I made this while romanticizing the idea of having my own little cafe and the songs I will play in it.

Since I may have a distinct music taste as most people tell me, I may or may not play this on my coffee shop. The longer I listened to this playlist, the more it sounded like it belonged in a room at 3am where someone can’t sleep too.

Also, playing this made me feel like I was in a trance so I’ll just change it to that.

— Belle