Dragonfly

Do you know that feeling when you’re in the middle of something, some journey, some relationship, some situation, and it kind of sucks, but not enough to make you quit? Like, it’s mostly bad, but just good enough to keep you hanging on. A breadcrumb trail of fleeting highs. So you stay. You tell yourself, maybe it’ll get better. Maybe you’re just being dramatic. Maybe the magic will return.

It’s kind of like doomscrolling, everything looks like a disaster, but you keep going, convinced something meaningful will pop up any second now. Spoiler: it doesn’t.

And then finally, you reach the so-called destination and it’s… even worse than the journey. But instead of walking away, you gaslight yourself into thinking, No no, this is fine. This is great. I’m happy. I swear. (You’re not.)

Until one day—snap. You hit your limit. The fog clears. And you walk away, not with regret, but with relief. Because you realize: you don’t owe your life to a path that only half-loved you back. You’re allowed to leave. You’re allowed to choose peace over potential.

And the moment you do? That thing loses all its power over you. The “what ifs” evaporate. The grip loosens. You’re free. If something isn’t meant for you, the universe will keep tossing red flags at your face until you stop pretending they’re confetti.

Oh, and years ago, I joked that maybe I’m actually a mosquito. And you know what eats mosquitoes?

Dragonflies.

So yeah. I’ve been living in constant danger and didn’t even know it. But not anymore.

I Love You

Hello You,

I hope this is not that too late for Valentine’s.

When I created this playlist, I thought I was creating a playlist about what it feels like to fall in love. But then someone told me that she cried while listening to it, and I didn’t understand why. So I played it again and I saw it too. I unconsciously built a sad playlist.

A story started forming in my head as the songs went on.

It wasn’t about two people who found love and held onto it. Its about two people who found themselves back to each other at what they thought was the right time when the spark was undeniable. They thought they were lucky to find each other. But slowly, they began to realize that no matter how much they tried to align, bend, and adjust, they were just not meant to fit.

They keep holding on tighter, refusing to believe it’s slipping away. Even when trust starts to crack. Even when doubts creep in. They tell themselves this is the last time but it never is. Because the feeling is rare, intoxicating, something they never thought they’d find. And once they have it, they can’t bear to let it go. So they stay. They keep coming back, even when it hurts.

But then something shifts. The hurt dulls, replaced by something colder. Resentment. Anger. And that’s when they finally let go not with sadness, not with regret or heartbreak, but with a quiet kind of certainty.

Of course, if an apology had come back then, they might have crumbled. Might have fallen back into that same cycle. But now? Now, it’s too late for an apology.

That’s the story that played in my head as I listened to it. Maybe it’s just my mind connecting the songs into something bigger than it was meant to be. Either way, I’d love to hear your thoughts does this remind you of any real-life stories or maybe a movie you watched? And if you listened to the playlist, did it tell you a different story?

Yours,
Me

Morning Playlist

Good morning!

How’s the year treating you so far?

Mine? Eh, let’s just say it didn’t quite start how I’d hoped.

I had plans for a clean start but instead, I found myself writing a letter far too dramatic to justify, sleeping through the day, skipping meals like I was auditioning for the role of “melancholy girl #1.” I then went to bed early in the night.

I’m lowkey terrified this is foreshadowing for the rest of my year. Will I be in a perpetual nap or a year-long heartbreak? or both? 😅

Even my comfort rituals (a song, a movie, a familiar book) didn’t work their usual magic. It was tragic.

Today, though, things took a turn. I got woken up by my niece and nephew having a very intense conversation in my room. Terrence was interrogating Chloe about why only two cheese sticks were left when there should’ve been four. Chloe goes, “Maybe a rat took them. Rats love cheese, duh.” And Terrence, bless him, bought it. I was half-asleep but laughing in my head.

Later, I finally rolled out of bed, and Terrence came back, proudly announcing they brought me baked mac. Sure enough, there it was on my table, along with a plate of two cheese sticks. Breakfast in bed, courtesy of my little chaos squad. I then offered the cheese sticks to Terrence because I could tell he kinda wanted them, but he refused and insisted they were mine.

That little moment revived me, and now I’m feeling kind of like a functioning human again. Small moments like that don’t fix everything. But they do something. It even inspired me to share this playlist with you. It’s full of songs that feel like a fresh, sunny morning. Hope it brings a little joy to your day, too. 🌞

2024

Umm… can I just say it?

2024 was not the year.

I mean, sure, it had plot twists, shocking discoveries, and occasional soft moments, but if it were a TV show, I wouldn’t exactly call it a must rewatch. Or… is it too early to say that? Maybe the season finale will surprise me.

Oh, and I turned 25 this year. Apparently, this is when your frontal lobe fully forms. Which means I’m now biologically equipped to make wise, adult decisions. Did I?

HA. Let’s not talk about it.

The later part of the year was chill (I’m talking about my mind). It’s probably because my work schedule changed and I’m getting 8 hours of sleep and more. I’m still adjusting though; even after weeks have passed, I’d wake up in a full panic thinking I fell asleep at work. It happened so many times I should’ve just made it a morning routine 🤦‍♀️.

One thing I did learn this year: I am not built for low-maintenance friendships. Like, if we started out as clingy besties, you can’t suddenly ghost me for days and suddenly call it low maintenance. That’s not a vibe, it’s emotional whiplash.

But hey, I’m getting really good at detachment. One of these days, I’m calling it my superpower.

Speaking of learning things, I fell in love this year. With a guy on YouTube. His name is Phil. He posts nostalgic, cozy videos, reads books and plays with his dog (I saw him playing with his dog in one clip, and I thought, “Yep, that’s it. I’m done for. This is love.”). We’re soulmates (he just doesn’t know it yet).

Another thing I realized: I am too self-aware. Sometimes I analyze my own thoughts while thinking them, and I’m just like, “Girl, relax. Let yourself be for once.” 😌

But you know what? I really dove into my inner world this year. I worked on my stuff, grew as a person (allegedly), and even healed a little. I saw this quote probably on Pinterest or Threads or somewhere: “My living is healing. You don’t have to heal so you can live. It’s the other way around.” And that hit. Because yeah, I’m living. And somehow, that’s the cure.

To close it out, here’s a playlist I made for this year. Hope you like it. Catch you in 2025. ✌️

Shower Playlist

This is a playlist I created by accident.

It was just a normal rainy day in 2023 when I decided to take a shower. Spotify’s radio for Always by Erasure was playing. I don’t know why, but I enjoyed taking my shower with that song.

It gave me the idea to make a playlist with a similar vibe that I can use to enhance my showering experience. For best results, play this before going into a warm shower on a rainy day. Here’s a little reminder to enjoy the small things in life.

Cleaning Time

Hellooo!

We’re nearing the end of the year. Some of you might already be halfway through your deep-cleaning rituals , sweeping corners, reorganizing drawers, letting go of what no longer fits.

Here’s something for that.

These are the songs my mom used to play every morning whenever she cleaned. They’d drift into my room, and I’d wake up to that comforting, morning vibe.

Now, whenever I’m in a cleaning mood (or just missing my mom), I put on this playlist.

Night Stroll Playlist

Hey.

I can’t quite remember when or why I made this playlist. Maybe I was feeling a little off craving something dreamy and shoegaze-y to wrap myself in.

Whenever I listen to it, I think of quiet night walks or midnight drives. There’s something almost unexplainable about it, like something cold slipping through warm air. Even if you’re in a tropical place like me, it’s as if these songs were conjuring a gentle cool breeze.

Hauntingly Beautiful

Hey there,

So, here’s another playlist I put together.

It’s based on an IG friend’s music taste. We both had a shared obsession with Kyoya, and we totally bonded over it. She was really into those hauntingly beautiful songs that kind of linger with you, long after they’re over. I just know she’d lose her mind over this playlist and honestly, I think you might, too.

Sometimes I wonder how she’s doing now. We met through this random dump account I had before, but I deactivated it and can’t get it back anymore.

It made me think how wild it is for people to drift in and out of your life. Sometimes they’re only around for a little while, but I feel like those short connections still mean something. Like, at least I got to know her and share some music that’ll always remind me of our little friendship. That’s a memory I’ll keep.

– Nostalgicbelle✨

Holy Chill

Haluu,

How are you doing??

Can we just take a second to process that it’s NOVEMBER already?! The month most associated with horror 👻. So, in the spirit of all things eerie, I thought I’d share something that genuinely freaked me out just to add to the atmosphere, hehee.

There’s actually a reason why I created this playlist.

Back when I was in college, I used to wake up randomly between 2 to 3 a.m., or sometimes exactly at 3:00 a.m., for no reason at all. At the time, everyone was talking about how it was the “devil’s hour,” so naturally, I was fully spooked. I got so scared that I eventually stopped checking the time I didn’t want confirmation.

Then one night, I woke up extra freaked out. Like, straight-up panicking for no reason, and feeling this weird, dizzy sensation. It felt like… something was trying to take over my body? Like I was being possessed. I was so scared and confused. I had no idea what was happening or why I was feeling that way.

In full survival mode, I started rummaging through my phone looking for any song that could basically un-demon me. Thank GOD I had one worship song saved.

I played it and I swear I felt myself being unpossessed.

The song was “I Am Nothing” by Ginny Owens, and let me tell you.I played that on repeat like my life depended on it. And after a few loops, I finally felt… normal again. Calm. I even drifted back to sleep.

I still don’t know how it worked. Maybe it’s just full of positive energy? Maybe there’s some spiritual magic coded into the melody? Who knows. All I know is that whatever power lives in that song… it worked.

So now, if this ever happens again, I’ve got a playlist on standby for my very own personal exorcism session.

2023 playlist

Hiiiii!

It’s the end of the year.

This one started kinda off, maybe that’s what I felt with most of the start of my year in the past too but this year has turned out different from what I expected.

If I had to choose a line to describe this year, it would be:
“Last year I abstained; this year I devour without guilt, which is also an art.” —Margaret Atwood

This was the year I took my first solo out of the country trip to Japan. I still don’t know where I found the nerve, but I did. And for someone like me (introvert, daydreamer), that meant everything.

This year a lot didn’t work out. A few things went sideways. But I like the thought that there’s no such thing as failure, only redirection. And maybe the peace comes from knowing I made the best choices I could, with what I knew, in that exact moment.

Below is a playlist I curated for 2023. I didn’t listen to it the whole year (I’ve been listening to podcasts), but it holds the songs I discovered and replayed. Maybe you’ll find something in it, too.

– Belle ⭐