I’m fxking Orpheus

If you don’t know who Orpheus is, he’s that stupid mortal who went to the underworld to get his lover back. He almost did. He really, really almost did. But then he ruined everything because he couldn’t follow one simple rule: don’t look back.

I used to be so mad at him. I questioned whether he really loved Eurydice, his wife. How could someone who crossed death itself not stop himself for a few more steps? How hard is it to just keep walking forward until the light? I was even thinking, if it were me I wouldn’t do that. I’d wait. I’d endure. I thought I would do better but now I’m eating my words.

I can’t believe I was sympathizing with him right now because I’ve looked back too. I hate that I understand him now.

Orpheus didn’t look back because he lacked love, he looked back because he loved too much. Silence can be too cruel. The heart starts to ache when it is desperate to be reassured.

Maybe the gods chose that rule on purpose. Maybe they already knew he would look back. Maybe they knew love, when tested with silence, almost always fails.

Even when the heart knows better, the silence between footsteps can be louder than death itself.