My 2025 In Emojis

Jan – 😠🤢

Feb – 😔😌

Mar – ☺️🫣

Apr – 😳🥰

May – 😭🤯

June – 🙃😵‍💫

July – 🫩😬

Aug – 🤭🤔

Sept – 😗😶

Oct – 😄😊

Nov – 🥺💸

Dec – ⌛😑

Traveling In The Digital Age

I don’t know if I actually read it somewhere or if it just came from my unreliable mind. Sometimes it likes to jump to its own conclusions and invents things. For centuries, women are not supposed to be seen in public without a companion or a chaperone for their reputation, security or to make them less conspicuous. Traveling alone was rare and almost unthinkable.

Even I, up until college, felt uneasy going anywhere by myself. I remember feeling this weird vulnerability just walking to the restroom alone. It’s almost funny now.

For the longest time, I liked to believe I was an old soul born decades too late because of my taste in music and my affinity for vintage fashion. But during my solo trip to Thailand, that idea dissolved. I realized how lucky I am to be alive in this era. To exist in a time when a small screen can tell me where I am, where I’m going, and what to do if I get lost.

It hit me unexpectedly that I made happy noises in a hotel room that I booked by myself, for myself in a foreign country where nobody knows me. The world I once romanticized would’ve never let me move the way I do now. It wouldn’t give me the courage to cross borders by myself. Walking alone through airports and unfamiliar streets feels almost ordinary but compared to the past, it’s actually extraordinary. The fact that I can listen to Mozart every night, on flights, on walks, anywhere is like a miracle.

Thinking about it, I’m actually born at the perfect moment. I was born early enough to have known life without the internet, to wait for a song on the radio, to flip through books… and also just in time to experience the freedom that technology offers now that I’m an adult. The timing feels almost deliberate.

Being able to step into the world alone. Trusting that I’ll be okay, and knowing I can find my way with just a little signal makes me feel incredibly lucky. I don’t want to take that for granted. I’m deeply grateful to be alive in a time that allows me to grow into this version of myself.

First-Aid Kit For Your Mind

I have just found the best meditation YouTube channel ever!

It’s called Great Meditation, and the woman’s voice there is soo calming. The kind of voice that makes you feel safe.

A while ago, I was feeling really anxious. My brain was full of worries that didn’t even really make that much sense. It was already 2 AM and I decided that I need to do something. I can’t go to sleep feeling this heavy. So I searched on YouTube: great meditations for releasing worries. One of their videos popped up: There’s No Need to Worry

I started listening… and I didn’t even notice the time passing. When I used to try meditation before, I would think how many minutes left? or why is this taking so long? But with this channel, it didn’t feel that long at all. I didn’t notice that it has already been 10 minutes.

Of course, my mind still wandered. I caught myself thinking about the things I was worried about. Every time I noticed it, I try to bring myself back to the voice and my breathing. And even if my thoughts weren’t perfectly quiet, I still felt like meditating helped even just a little.

When I opened my eyes, everything looked brighter and clearer. I even thought my eyesight suddenly improved. I have blurry vision (especially in my right eye) but after that meditation, it was like the world sharpened. It felt really nice.

Now I’m reminded of the first guided meditation I did back in high school. I’m not sure if I know it was meditation at the time. Our adviser asked us to sit outside on the grass, close our eyes, inhale, exhale… And then when I opened my eyes, I remember being so surprised by how beautiful everything looked. The grass, the sky, even the school building. It all seems extra bright and clear, like the feeling of wearing a new pair of glasses.

Right now, I’m writing this because I’m still worrying about things. I don’t worry over things like this but this one just feels kind of heavy. It doesn’t even make sense anymore. There’s this quote that I used to think whenever I’m overthinking and worrying. I can’t remember the exact quote but it’s something like: When you overthink, you just waste your time or energy over nothing. You’re just torturing yourself over something that you’re not even sure is going to happen and when it really happened, you only suffer twice.

I really needed that reminder today.

So, the channel is called Great Meditation. If you’ve been wanting to try meditation but you’re not sure where to start, I recommend starting there. Their guided meditations doesn’t feel overwhelming or “too spiritual” or anything.

I also realized something about meditation today. I always think that meditation is like, you wake up and just do meditation, like the same kind of meditation everyday. That didn’t work for me so I wasn’t able to be consistent with it but something I realized today is that you can use meditation based on what you need on that day. For example you’re stressed about money, you can search for the a guided meditation about manifesting abundance or money mindset or when you need to do alot of things that day, you should try meditations for productivity or focus. You can treat it like a little emotional first-aid kit and pick what you need.

I think that’s what I’m going to do. I’ll just choose meditations based on what I’m actually feeling instead of forcing myself into a repetitive perfect routine.

If you’ve been feeling heavy too, maybe this is your sign to try one. Pick a guided meditation that speaks to you and just let yourself be guided. Your mind will probably wander (mine did), but that’s okay. You can always gently bring it back.

The Way Forward Is Through, A Mantra

I’ve been procrastinating so much lately. But recently, I heard this line: “The way forward is through.” It hit me. Because it’s true. You can’t finish anything by avoiding it or by doing other less important things. You need to go through it. You just have to do it.

So here’s a little bomb of motivation to remind both of us to keep taking purposeful action.

You don’t need a perfect timing or a magical burst of motivation. You just have to DO IT NOW!

I used to wait for the right mood or the productive version of myself to show up. But she never did. And the longer I waited, the heavier it all felt and the harder it is to start.

The funny thing is, once you start, even just a tiny step, you’ll realize that it’s never as bad as you imagined. You start typing one sentence, and suddenly, you’re writing a whole page. You wash one cup, and somehow the whole sink ends up clean.

It’s not about doing your best but it’s about doing something or starting somewhere.

No more delays or excuses. Every task you start today brings you closer to your dream so you have to begin now. Not later!

Your time is valuable and limited. Stop giving it away to procrastination. Finish what matters most. Choose actions over hesitation. Keep showing up even when its hard. Choose progress over perfection. Say no to distractions that steal your time. Discipline is your strenght and consistency is your secret weapon.

This is your reminder (and mine) to stop waiting for the right time. It doesn’t exist.
Start small, start late, start scared, just start!

Because the way forward is through.

A Little Horror Digest

This month, I found myself deep in a rabbit hole of interviews and podcasts, starting with a green witch, another with a paranormal investigator, and one with an exorcist. They just somehow found me on my feed. Anyway, here are some notes and quotes I picked up that I found interesting.

Listening to these people made me realize how some belief systems overlap. There are similarities that, as a skeptic, make it harder and harder to know what to actually believe anymore. Still, I found these stories intriguing and honestly, I was terrified for two days straight. It’s creepy to know that people have real-life experiences of things you only see in horror movies. I can’t stop thinking about it.

– The Third Eye may be either a blessing from God or a gift from a demon. If an exorcist tries to close it and it still opens, it might be from God, meaning there’s a purpose for it and you’re meant to use it for a greater good.

– Only demons can possess people. Ghosts can’t, but demons can use these ghosts to get to the person.

– During an exorcism, the demon will try to distract or shock you, but you’re supposed to focus only on God, not on the theatrics.

– There’s a thin line between mental illness and possession. Demons can feed on negativity like anger, hatred, or unforgiveness. An exorcist shared a story of a woman who kept getting possessed until she forgave someone she deeply resented. After that, she was finally free. Holding on to anger creates your own kind of hell.

– Deals with spirits often come with a price. For instance, a witch once described how a beautiful girl who practiced dark magic suddenly lost her looks. Something was taken from her in exchange.

– Witches protect their own energy by creating tools for others instead of casting spells themselves. When you buy and use those tools, you’re the one performing the ritual, not the witch.

– Spirits are drawn to negative energy. Places where something bad happened, or where something illegal occurred. Some spirits just want help while others just accidentally reveal themselves to people according to a paranormal expert.

– Angels vibrate on such a high frequency that contacting them can be exhausting according to a witch.

– Ouija boards attract the nearest spirit around you, not necessarily a good one which is why most practitioners don’t recommend using them.

– Witchcraft can manifest physically. One exorcist described a woman who vomited and excreted nails, barbed wires, thumbtacks, and staples during a session. Supposedly, these objects “solidify” when exposed to air.

– The devil is a show-off. During exorcisms, demons love to perform, they try to scare, distract, or impress because they want to distract you from praying. They’re extremely narcissistic and have a big ego or pride. They don’t want to show that they’re losing.

– Priests’ hands are anointed during their ordination, giving them consecrated power when blessing or laying hands during exorcisms.

– Demonic attachments can show up as addictions, things you can’t seem to break free from because you’re being spiritually tempted.

– Blood sacrifices (like pouring chicken blood at a new road or building site) can invite infestations. A demon can claim that place through the blood, since blood has consecratory power.

– Not believing in the devil doesn’t protect you from him. The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.

– Even small rituals like blowing out birthday candles or setting up a “lucky altar” for New Year’s can be considered forms of witchcraft, depending on intention.

– Demons exist outside of time. Just because the world is modern now doesn’t mean they’re gone. Time doesn’t apply to them. Centuries may pass, but a demon remains what it is.

That’s it for my little horror digest this month. I’m not saying I fully believe everything I heard, but I do find it fascinating how all of these intertwine. Maybe we’re not meant to know the full truth. Or maybe we already do and it’s just too scary to accept.

Dear Evan Hansen Review: What I Learned Watching It Twice

Last September, I got to watch Dear Evan Hansen live in the theater. It was amazing. I’ve been listening to some of the songs from that musical since the pandemic. One thing I’ve always loved about musicals is how the songs feel like their own little stories. They make you imagine entire scenes just from the lyrics. My favorite song from them is “If I Could Tell Her”. That song made me think that the musical was going to be some kind of sci-fi story because of that line “a million worlds apart,” I imagined time travel or parallel universes.

I’ve first seen the movie version on Netflix maybe 2–4 years ago. I honestly didn’t like it that much back then. Maybe it was because I expected a different type of story, or maybe because I found myself cringing at Evan’s lies. Its hard to watch him dig himself deeper and deeper into the lies. It doesn’t make sense to me when he confessed in the end. The whole process was so uncomfortable for me that time.

Seeing it live felt different though. Since I already knew the story, I was able to focus more on the characters. Evan’s choices made a lot more sense. He didn’t start lying because he wanted to, it just happened after Connor’s family assumed things, and Evan couldn’t bring himself to tell the truth right away because he didn’t want to hurt them. Then, when they started treating him like family, he held onto that feeling because at home his mom was always working and he didn’t have that same kind of connection. What I liked most was how, in the end, he told them the truth because he doesn’t want Connor’s family to shoulder guilt or feel like they failed as parents. That moment showed his empathy and his bravery to tell the truth even though it will cost him everything. I cried on that scene.

The performance was so good. Evan’s voice was just as cool and calming as it was in the movie. I liked the unexpected little update they added with the timely “soda pop” line. Connor and Evan’s imaginary interactions were fun to watch too. I think it brought warmth to the show. And I was also fascinated by the way the stage design worked.

Watching Dear Evan Hansen again reminded me why I love musicals. They make you feel things differently depending on where you are in life when you watch them. The first time, I couldn’t get past the lies. The second time, I understood the characters especially Evan.

Catch 22

Last year I was supposed to post about the things I’ve learned at 25, but I just couldn’t hit publish. It felt pretentious. Who am I to hand out wisdom when I still feel like I’m stumbling around and making stupid decisions?

It felt more like I was stuck in a catch-22: wanting to share but not really believing I’m qualified to share wisdom. If I posted, I felt like a fraud. If I didn’t post, I never grew. It was almost maddening cause I’m contradicting myself. I knew what I should do. I could even picture the version of myself that had it together, but I just couldn’t move toward her.

The truth is, at that time I was still tolerating people I shouldn’t, gaslighting myself into thinking everythings fine or hoping people will change, and deep inside I feel heavy cause I knew it wasn’t growth.

Still, there’s something about 25 that feels symbolic. They say your brain (your frontal lobe) finishes developing around this age. It sounds great but being 25 to me doesn’t mean that you’ll suddenly have life figured out. It just means you’re aware enough to notice how messy it all is.

I started feeling fear about the things I never thought or was never scared about before, like getting scammed, or being scared to go solo because of my safety. I was hyper-aware of the risks. It almost felt like paranoia, but it was just me realizing how naive I used to be.

By the time I turned 26, I was finally able to publish the things I’ve learned because I feel lighter. I’d left behind the things (and people) that didn’t serve me anymore, and I walked away without regrets. Maybe you don’t magically figure it all out at 25, but you do start to understand and see yourself more clearly after that.