My girl can’t be left alone with her own mind

While I was writing this post, I keep beating myself up and saying – this is not enlightening at all… and I’m very very sorry for my future self who will be reading this. I feel like she will despise me and I’m scared and worried if she’ll even exist in the future because what if I fail being her? What if I continued with what I’m doing right now and prevented myself of being her. What if I erase the version of me I’m supposed to grow into fu…(deletes the rest of the post)

I spent the whole night spiraling. When I closed my eyes, different scenarios, metaperceptions and the words that I want to say kept me up all night. Its like my mind is repeating it multiple times in my head so I won’t forget. Typing it doesn’t even help. Nothing helped. I can’t sleep, its too loud in here. I tried everything that had worked for me before, I tried listening to my sleep playlist, meditating, memorizing, reading, I listened to the Weightless album but nothing worked! Its like my mind is bullying me 😭. Insert Clubbed to death song here.

And almost like fate, I recently made a classical music playlist. I put together every classical music that is said to be good for brain creativity and brain function. Plus tracks that research suggests stimulate the mind. I listened to that playlist for 8 hours or more and I’m surprised by how it worked for me. I unkowingly put myself into an experiement.

By 11:30 am, I still haven’t slept at all but I feel stoic or something. Its like my mind just reset or I was posessed. Its not in an “I don’t care” way but its in like “its fine, I’ll just go through with it” way or “what am I overthinking about lol” way. For some reason, I feel energized even when I’ve been awake for more than 24 hours. I was able to do alot of productive things that I would normally feel tired or lazy doing like doing my laundry and cleaning my room etc. I was also able to go to work for 8 hours and after that I still feel energized to stay awake for 3 more hours. I’m like, where did all that energy came from?

The next day, I searched if its normal to feel energized after listening to classical music with no sleep. Apparently, there’s a documented phenomenon called the “Mozart effect.” It’s described as a kind of musical arousal or a dopamine spike triggered by complex auditory patterns. Some studies suggest classical music can lower cortisol and activate reward centers in the brain, increasing focus and creating a natural high. I feel like I was emotionally regulated by this playlist.

And here I heard some people say to not listen to classical music because it will make you feel sad and depressed. That’s not universally true. Not all classical music carries the same emotional weight and I guess I proved that to myself. I even found myself dancing a little to some of these songs. Anyway, here’s the playlist that saved me (sleep is still important though 😘):