Notes from Someone Still Learning to Shape Her Life

I used to feel like life was racing ahead of me. Everyone else seemed to know what they were doing, what career to pursue, what words to say, what choices to make. Meanwhile, I still didn’t know how to small talk without sounding like I was glitching. It was like they had access to some secret manual I never got. Like they had lived this life before and were just replaying it effortlessly, while I was fumbling through my very first try.

For the longest time, I felt clueless. So I just copied what other people said was good or moral or mature, what society says, what religion says. Yet I still constantly questioned myself, compared timelines, and felt like I was two steps behind.

But something changed when I stopped looking at everyone else and started looking inward.

I realized I have been moving forward just not in the same direction, and not at the same speed as others. I’ve healed parts of myself that no one else could see, learned to stop people-pleasing and discovered how comforting it is to enjoy my own company. I’ve wandered, paused, and begun again. And slowly, I’ve started to fall in love with the person I’m becoming.

I still don’t know exactly how things will unfold. I can’t predict the future. But what’s changed is this: I now know the kind of person I want to become. I know what I value, what I need, and the kind of life I want to build around that. And for now, that’s more than enough.

I just need to keep choosing the things that aligns with that version of myself while staying present enough to enjoy where I am. To grow, explore, and change. To make clear, gentle choices, not ones driven by fear or pressure. And to keep moving with integrity, even when no one’s looking, even when it’s easier not to.

In my own time. In my own way. That’s enough for now.