The Urge To Sabotage

It’s strange how we sometimes sabotage the very things we say we want. Oh how quickly our excitement turns into avoidance. You make a vision board. You start a challenge. And then a few days later you abandon it, like the version of you who cared about it was a completely different person.

We live in a world that constantly rewards short-term gratification, the quick dopamine hit or immediate comfort. Committing to something long-term suddenly feels heavy. Especially when there are a thousand other options right in front of you. You could do this, or that, or maybe something even better will come tomorrow. So instead of choosing, we just hover. And the more options we have, the harder it becomes to commit to anything at all. Sometimes all we need to do is just pick one thing because staying undecided slowly erodes our ability to move forward at all.

This society doesn’t really train us to be committed people anymore. If anything, it trains us to constantly look for the next thing. Social media makes it worse. You feel clear about what you want, and then you scroll for ten minutes and suddenly you want five completely different lives. It’s hard to stay loyal to your own direction when you’re constantly being shown other directions.

The thing about goals is that the beginning is always the most exciting part. Starting something feels electric but after that, consistency is where it gets quiet, repetitive and boring. When there are no immediate consequences for stopping or when no one is watching or holding you accountable, that’s when most people drift away. The uncomfortable truth is that you have to learn how to commit even when nobody is watching.

It’s kind of like being in a relationship. When you’re truly committed to someone, you don’t wake up every day asking yourself whether you should keep showing up. You just do. Because the decision was already made.

There’s a line from Carl Jung that always comes to my mind: Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will rule your life and you will call it fate.

We keep asking “Why does this keep happening to me?” but the answer is just somewhere inside us. Our inner world. The stories we carry about who we are. Sometimes we say we want something like success, love, opportunity but internally the story doesn’t match. Maybe a part of us believes we don’t deserve it or that we’re not really going to get it. Maybe we think wanting it is a bad thing because it makes us selfish or greedy.

So when opportunities actually appear, we hesitate. Our ego steps in and tries to protect us from uncomfortable feelings like guilt, fear, or vulnerability. And instead of moving forward, we hold ourselves back.

Then later we call it bad luck. Or fate.

Another strange thing I noticed about desire is that the more desperately we cling to it, the more resistance we create. When we want something so badly, we try to control every step of it, the energy becomes tense and almost repelling.

Sometimes the only way forward is to loosen your grip a little and allow the desire to exist without trying to force it. Enjoy the feeling of wanting something, then let go of the need to control how it arrives.