Playlist For Slowdancing

Hi, I hope you’re doing well 🙂

I’m writing this because I am feeling so inspired lately. I’m feel like a lover girl and keep having this montage playing in my brain.

The montage always starts with running away or eloping. Sometimes it feels like its the only way we can be together and sometimes I wonder, maybe I like you even more because (I know this might sound weird) I’m afraid of commitment and that there are times when it feels like you’re not really real and that there’s a chance we might not really end up together. Most of the time it seems like the world is just against us and its a mystery how we got through all that. How you got through all that, I know I haven’t made it easy and my heart is really greatful that you never wavered.

The montage in my head goes like this:

Whatever tried to separate us failed and now we are going to a city with a little mountain or a hill we can hike every weekend. Like Arthur’s Seat in the movie One day.

We will slowly build our home and I will fill it with beautiful things.

We are always adding something to our home until we fill it with everything we love. We will decorate it according to each season or event or occasion.

For example we live in a city that has 4 seasons. In spring I’ll hang floral curtains or lace ones. You’ll smell the scent of flowers when you wake up and I will play songs that felt like spring every morning. I’ll have utensils, cups, plates dedicated for spring. You’ll tell me you dread it and that its too girly for you but you were smiling when I looked at you.

In December we will put colorful Christmas lights even if we don’t celebrate it or maybe we can just leave it on everyday?

You will cook and I will watch curiously as you cook and ask stupid annoying questions yet you’ll answer each one anyway.

We will play our playlists and all of a sudden we are dancing in the living room to our favorite songs. Maybe its to this playlist…

We will talk about why its our favorite and how it made us feel or the memory attached to it.

Some nights we will watch new films or films that we loved but forgot the plot. Some nights I’ll sing you lullabies even when I don’t feel confident with my voice. It makes you fall asleep which is enough. I guess.

Some nights we will talk about our childhood memories. Some nights we will talk about the most embrassing things in our life or the things we regret the most. Sometimes you’ll remember a funny experience and we will laugh so hard till one of us starts crying and then the other one starts crying too. Then neither of us remember what’s funny anymore.

Some nights I’ll read you my favorite book and we will talk about how stupid this character was. Other times we will relate ourselves to that character. Some nights I’ll just summarize everything that I remember from that book I’ve read during vacation when I was a teen.

Outside, our garden keeps growing. We plant around the house, flowers, fruit bearing trees, vegetables? I might get a cat and you can get a dog if you want.

One day I’ll find an injured bird on our garden and we will nurse it to back health. We will adopt as much animals as we can. A cow, a goat, chickens, ducks, rabbits. Who knows maybe we will find a bee colony at the back of our house and all of a sudden we were bee keepers.

In summer we will go to the beach by impulse just to search for pretty rocks. We will admire each one and then throw them into the sea. Competing on who threw the farthest.

We will live life and enjoy it to the fullest. Even when its hard, we will make it better. Even through abundance or scarcity.

Eventually the montage reaches the part I’m always trying not to think about. The scariest part is the ending.

The thing that every love story is secretly moving toward no matter how beautiful it becomes.

As much as I wanted it to last forever I know someday we will have to say goodbye to this world but I will go with a smile knowing that I spent the rest of my days with you.

When its time for me to go, I’ll think about all those beautiful memories we have together and you’ll do the same. I hope you do too.

I love you and you are the best thing that has ever happened in my life. And I thank God for letting me meet you and get to know you and get to love you and get to be loved by you. Its the greatest feeling in the world.

*snifs* Now back to the playlist.

This playlist is something I made a long time ago and I intend to play it when I wanted to dance alone though I wouldn’t mind dancing with someone while its playing. Maybe you are reading this right now? Where are you?

My heart has been waiting,

Belly